(Originally written April 11, 2012 on Penzu.com)
I've spent too much time wishing to be thinner, to be healthier. I have done it... 30 whole pounds, only to gain it all back. It's time. But I have to find motivation for ME. Not what has worked for other, but what will work for me.
So, ideas? Anyone? Oh yeah, it's just me in here. So, I have to be honest with myself. Why do I want to lose the weight? To look better. Yeah, I enjoyed being thinner. But that's not the only thing. I want to be able to ride the rides at the parks. I want to fit into cute clothes. I want my feet to stop hurting (but I don't know if the weight loss will help that). I want to exercise. I actually love to exercise. I feel great when I am done. I want to be able to buy cute clothes from any place. Hmm, most of this seems to revolve around clothing. Interesting since I never thought of myself as a clothing snob before. What do I want... why do I want to lose this weight? So that I don't feel too big for the world around me. So I am not just another statistics. So that I know how to eat healthy and can encourage my girls to do the same. So that My Crush won't keep gaining weight. I don't want him to turn out like me. Maybe my depression will get better? I doubt it, but the exercise will help with that. Maybe it isn't so much about the weight, but eating yummy food that is good for my body and getting the exercise that i love to do.
Motivation? Eating to live, not living to eat. A less cluttered life. Beginning with myself. Internal motivation, where are you?
Ok, what about external motivation? I'll come back to the insides later. Pay myself? What about a jar that every time I work out, I can put a marble into it. When the jar is full I can treat myself to anything (non-food) that I want. A good choices jar! If I really want that doughnut and don't get it, there is another marble. Nothing out, just in. So I can see all the good choices i am making. That might just do it. So often, I can't remember all the good choices, just the bad ones. I have a lifetime of bad choices when it comes to my weight. that is how I got here. DUH. Ok, so, to get a jar... what kind of pretty jar to put on my dresser. This starts TODAY, not tomorrow or next week, but today.
A pin board, with one pin for every pound I want GONE. But in little tiny groups, just 5 at a time. and move them over. That sounds like it would be fun to do. Make it pretty. This starts today too. I can't keep putting it off. Here we are at 1 PM and I am still in bed. Granted, I was exhausted, but I ate breakfast in bed.
I also need to clean out the garbage from the kitchen. So, what is garbage? I need to think a little about that one.
So, internal motivation... what do I want most, why do I want to do this? So I don't feel too big for the world around me? For the fist time in my life, I feel too big. Probably because I gained so much weight so quickly just recently. Weird though, because I used to feel like I had the opposite of anorexia, like I didn't know how big I was.
So, here it begins. When I am struggling, write, write, write and workout. I GET to work out still. I haven't damaged my body beyond repair, yet. It's only a matter of time though, look at Papa, he hurts to walk. And I do NOT want that.
So, time to get to bed early and get up early and WORKOUT. But for now, at 1:11 pm, get out of bed, start some laundry and then get on that bike and READ a book.
On your mark, get set go!
I've spent too much time wishing to be thinner, to be healthier. I have done it... 30 whole pounds, only to gain it all back. It's time. But I have to find motivation for ME. Not what has worked for other, but what will work for me.
So, ideas? Anyone? Oh yeah, it's just me in here. So, I have to be honest with myself. Why do I want to lose the weight? To look better. Yeah, I enjoyed being thinner. But that's not the only thing. I want to be able to ride the rides at the parks. I want to fit into cute clothes. I want my feet to stop hurting (but I don't know if the weight loss will help that). I want to exercise. I actually love to exercise. I feel great when I am done. I want to be able to buy cute clothes from any place. Hmm, most of this seems to revolve around clothing. Interesting since I never thought of myself as a clothing snob before. What do I want... why do I want to lose this weight? So that I don't feel too big for the world around me. So I am not just another statistics. So that I know how to eat healthy and can encourage my girls to do the same. So that My Crush won't keep gaining weight. I don't want him to turn out like me. Maybe my depression will get better? I doubt it, but the exercise will help with that. Maybe it isn't so much about the weight, but eating yummy food that is good for my body and getting the exercise that i love to do.
Motivation? Eating to live, not living to eat. A less cluttered life. Beginning with myself. Internal motivation, where are you?
Ok, what about external motivation? I'll come back to the insides later. Pay myself? What about a jar that every time I work out, I can put a marble into it. When the jar is full I can treat myself to anything (non-food) that I want. A good choices jar! If I really want that doughnut and don't get it, there is another marble. Nothing out, just in. So I can see all the good choices i am making. That might just do it. So often, I can't remember all the good choices, just the bad ones. I have a lifetime of bad choices when it comes to my weight. that is how I got here. DUH. Ok, so, to get a jar... what kind of pretty jar to put on my dresser. This starts TODAY, not tomorrow or next week, but today.
A pin board, with one pin for every pound I want GONE. But in little tiny groups, just 5 at a time. and move them over. That sounds like it would be fun to do. Make it pretty. This starts today too. I can't keep putting it off. Here we are at 1 PM and I am still in bed. Granted, I was exhausted, but I ate breakfast in bed.
I also need to clean out the garbage from the kitchen. So, what is garbage? I need to think a little about that one.
So, internal motivation... what do I want most, why do I want to do this? So I don't feel too big for the world around me? For the fist time in my life, I feel too big. Probably because I gained so much weight so quickly just recently. Weird though, because I used to feel like I had the opposite of anorexia, like I didn't know how big I was.
So, here it begins. When I am struggling, write, write, write and workout. I GET to work out still. I haven't damaged my body beyond repair, yet. It's only a matter of time though, look at Papa, he hurts to walk. And I do NOT want that.
So, time to get to bed early and get up early and WORKOUT. But for now, at 1:11 pm, get out of bed, start some laundry and then get on that bike and READ a book.
On your mark, get set go!
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